Mirror, Mirror

Anything appearing external from yourself can and will only arise as your experience, or become clear to you in your awareness, because it exists within you. The universe brings to you opportunities to allow the reflection to come to the surface, in order to be released and thus healed, bringing you into more and more wholeness, alignment, and embodiment of the truth of your being.

This includes, but of course is not limited to, what you perceive and experience as that which you love, fear or trauma, judgments of yourself and others, as well as how you identify with your sense of self. Let us address each of these for the purpose of providing my own personal examples, to assist you with your own self-evaluation and reflection.

Allow me if you will, to also first explain how one of the steps to experiencing transcendental realities, or as some may know it as ascending the third dimensional reality as it is known, is to move beyond conceptual understandings and identifications with any of the above mentioned topics. To do so involves living as presence, as often as possible, and can only be found in the present moment. If you are unfamiliar with this, I highly recommend reading or (even better) listening to Eckhart Tolle’s book Power of Now. What this means, quite literally, is to be without thoughts. You are alert and present to the situation, but cease to use mental language. If quieting the mind is challenging or difficult, there are many tools that will assist you in strengthening this ability – meditation being my favorite; but also kundalini yoga and qigong (or any yoga or martial arts practice).

Fear and Trauma

A dear and beloved friend shared on her Facebook recently the following quote (and this hadn’t just occurred to her, but it is within the quote):

It just occurred to me that many people are actually afraid to heal because their entire identity is centered around the trauma they’ve experienced. They have no idea who they are outside of trauma & that unknown can be terrifying.

So I suppose in this recollection, I will first address fear and trauma. Fear, of course, is the foundational energy / emotion that manifests as (obviously) fear; but also hate, anger, rage, depression, anxiety, disgust, etc. This quote couldn’t be more true, and also satisfies the “identification with your sense of self” and judgment aspects, as well. I have two major traumas that have occurred in my life, one of which is a severe concussion I experienced in 2009, which is also when I found out I was pregnant for the first time (or at least the first and last time I’ve ever had a positive pregnancy test, despite being married and “not trying, but not preventing”). Tangents. My concussion occurred when my cat Tidus was getting into something he wasn’t supposed to, so I stoop up very quickly from sitting cross-legged on the floor, rushed to the hallway, blacked out, and fell and hit my head on the floor of the bathroom (entry in the hallway). I was awakened by the person living with me at the time, and he asked what happened. To which, I replied, “Oh, I’m just chillin’.” I had no clue what had occurred and really didn’t know where I was, or why I was laying on the floor. I did not seek medical help, for I didn’t have insurance. What I did know, was that it was important for me to ensure I did not fall asleep for several hours, and to ensure I knew my name, what I did that day, etc. to determine if I had any mental damage. I felt like I was fine.

This particular period of my life was especially turbulent, and what one could describe as my “dark night of the soul”; although that was more of a nine-year span that involved many other experiences (which began in 2002, seven years prior to this concussion that from here forward shall be phrased as “the event”). To keep things short, I can say that if you’ve seen the movie 50 First Dates, then you can imagine with me what it might feel like to wake up with a blank slate of memory every morning. It was different for me, in that I remembered the event and didn’t feel shaky in my sense of self because I didn’t really have one (I had dissociative identity disorder for years; albeit not actually defined by a psychiatrist – I have never seen one). At any rate, I had a lot of problems, and a lot of things to sort through my brain on any given day. What I noticed, was I would go through them all, only to awake the next day and not remember any of it. I relived every day as the same experience over and over, only realizing it was repeating itself near the end of each day. This lasted about six months. Because I worked from home and went to school from home, had severe social phobia (close to agoraphobia), I had no desire to seek professional assistance (I know some would have even without the insurance). I used Lumosity.com for brain training, as well as ceased my daily alcohol intake for the first time in six years, because I knew I had no chance in healing if I didn’t. I was forced to make these changes, which is a blessing, because if I hadn’t, I wouldn’t have ceased drinking. I was able to keep myself with the mental strengthening for long enough to feel “normal” again, but when I stopped, I immediately returned to my daily habitual behavior and would drink for a time.. only to fall back into post-concussion symptoms and relive it all over again. This was a six-month on and six-month off type of cycle that I lived for five years (so from 2009 when the event initially occurred, and up through 2013, counting 2009 as the first year).

During that time, I identified as my sense of self a person that didn’t like social interaction, didn’t like people at all for that matter (hate is a strong word, but I remember feeling hateful), having chronic depression, anxiety, rage, my identity disorder, PTSD (from my other big traumatic experience that I won’t detail here), and what felt like borderline personality disorder (that’s the classic case of “I HATE YOU, but please don’t leave me” in your most intimate relationship, at least in my case since he was always home as well). I won’t go into that particular relationship, which was ultimately my first marriage, and partner of ten years; however, I can say he was a narcissistic schizophrenic. Who he is now? I have no idea, it’s been years since I’ve seen that person, and as an act of unconditional love, can say I wish him well and that hopefully the trauma we both experienced from having been together is healing.

What happens when we lend our sense of self to these conceptual understandings of what we experience, we close that gap for healing to occur. Sometimes, we may also identify ourselves as a victim, and perhaps see and experience disconnect from ourselves and the entire world, actually believing, “This is my life now, this is who I am, and there is no coming back or being someone different.” It’s too painful, it’s too deep, and it literally permeates every aspect of who we think we are – because we identify with it as our sense of self.

This does not quite explain the mirror, mirror1; however, it was important to portray the self identifications with mental conceptualization.

Love

Shall we move onto something a bit more lighthearted? Let us address the mirror, mirror. Anything you find that you love about a thing, place, or person, is an aspect that exists within yourself. So for example, if you were or are like me and used to be extremely introverted, but you really love extroverted people, it is because there is a version of you that is also extroverted. You may, on the contrary, highly dislike extroverted people, but that could be because they can be obnoxious, and if that is the case, that too is something that exists within you.. The obnoxious extrovert. I should add here, that the polar opposites (love / hate) always come together as one, so your experience could be one or the other, or sometimes both, within the same example and self-reflection.

When it comes to that which you find absolutely joyful and what lights you up with love, pay attention and know very deeply that those aspects are also within yourself. If you have a friend who is just so beautiful and radiant, guess what? You too have that beauty and radiance within. If your mother is absolutely loving and nurturing, and inspires you and uplifts you, guess what? You too are loving and nurturing, even if you don’t experience it within yourself at all yet, even if it does not come within your self awareness at all… yet.

My mom is the most amazing, phenomenal person I could ever be so blessed to know (and be the progeny of); what a tremendous gift!! My husband has the biggest, most authentic heart I know, never ceasing in his integrity and openness. I am so very blessed to have him in my life and be married to such an incredible man. My direct co-worker, “boss”, and “work mom” is so full of discernment, so intelligent and radiant, I couldn’t imagine my experience at my present job without her. She blesses everyone that gets to know her, and she probably knows that, but deep down perhaps has some doubt. My twinnie at work is the embodiment of strength, courage, and fierce drive to follow your dreams (course, we became closer friends when I embodied that myself first – sometimes that is required before connections manifest into daily life). I am blessed beyond measure to have all of these people in my direct life and experience. I have MANY other coworkers that brighten my life, make me laugh with intense joy, and simply just bring that much more shine into my daily. I seriously love them all, even if they won’t let me hug them (they’re just not huggers, what can you do; am I right?).

For this one, the identification with the sense of self usually doesn’t happen, we perceive as another person, something external, as this source or example of amazing personality traits. However, if you can identify them in another, I promise you, those same qualities exist within yourself. There is no risk in this kind of self-identification, for the foundation is essentially love and the key to a joyful and fulfilling life is to identify with love only. We’ll return to that at the end.

Judgment

This may sound odd to some, but this one is one of my favorite trigger points that make it very clear to me what is asking to be healed in myself and in my life. As Eckhart Tolle advises, if you want to really have this activated within you for healing purposes, go live with your parents. For myself in my current reality, I already have this easily accessible to me at work, either through other colleagues, clients, or applicants (as a Private Licensed Investigator for a background screening company). My best example that comes to mind is pride. I have a tendency to judge people that express tremendous pride. This is not self-confidence, but a “I am holier than thou and you are beneath me” kind of pride.

First and foremost, because my intention is to know and experience oneness with the collective human race but more so on the regular with each individual I interact with, it is difficult for me to deal with people that truly see themselves above me, or hold me in some kind of lower regard in relation to themselves. This could be because my clothes are simply not pretty enough, or maybe I didn’t have the time or energy to shower that day and my hair is oily, or maybe I carry myself or talk in such a way that triggers something in others that causes them to desire to put me down. I’ve had periods of my life where I held tremendous pride; for example, when I first started meditating in 2011 (on the regular) and experienced my first ever “spiritual awakening” to a degree that really was just feeling like, “Wow, I am not who I thought I was.. at all,” but still in the infancy stages of spiritual awakening. I had pride and I judged people that weren’t spiritual; I judged to the left, I judged to the right, I judged people all day and night. It’s easy to admit, for the spectrum of human emotions and experiences may be unique to each individual, but we all feel them in the same way.

What I observed in the judgment of dislike for people that hold themselves in higher regard, is that it is that within me that used to do that very same thing. I say that in present tense, because I realize now, this is something I can now go within and alchemize through meditation, a realization I received clearer than before as I write this. When I experienced the pride in myself, I very naturally drew experiences that stripped it all away from me, breaking me down. Pride cometh before the fall, after all. I fell over, and over, and over again. I got up that many times more, picking up all the shattered pieces of myself and wondering if I would ever be whole. That actually brought tearful emotion to my being just now.

Reflection

There is SO MUCH more to be said in regards to all of this, such as the dissolution of separation (mental concepts); staying in the present moment and letting go of the mind entirely, feeling and sensing presence (Divine Love / Unity consciousness; the Universal unconditional love that is limitless and ineffable) inside of yourself and using that as your only source of self-identification. I’m afraid this blog post is quite lengthy already, and I’ll have to end it here.

To conclude for now, I hope you can see through my transparency, every person is a mirror. Every experience is a mirror, and whatever it is you are carrying around within yourself, you will naturally find within your experiences to assist you in becoming aware of what is wanting to come to the surface, what is not something external from you that you experience, but is something you are emitting and attracting into your experience to give you the opportunity to release from within. This is the alchemy, “the Great Work,” and it affects us all in the same pattern. If you’re interested in spiritual alchemy by the way, I recommend learning about The Emerald Tablets of Hermes Trismegistus (a.k.a. Hermeticism). The book I read was for self-transformation specifically, but it is NOT an easy read whatsoever (thus, not for everyone); link is on the “Mind” page.

Seek and find what resonates with you, always in all ways. Follow your intuition, and let your heart be your guide. If you find it absolutely exciting and it LIGHTS YOU UP, you’re on track. Do that thing.

Footnote:

1.) The mirror reflection in my fear and trauma story is that I perceived myself as a destroyed, broken person. It may not be readily evident or obvious, but due to my own self-identifications, I attracted into my life that much more destruction and brokenness. The greatest challenge we all face is realizing how much mental conceptualization actually attracts that much more of that same experience into your life. Without this understanding, people get stuck in repetitive loops of experiences. It would have been impossible for me to have left my first marriage and find a healthy relationship if I did not put myself through the healing work I had; this was through regular meditation, as well as paying for energy healing work to be done on me by a trusted energy healer. I’ve mentioned this before in one of my other posts, and my energy healer at the time of my first marriage was David, who can be found on my links page titled “Mind.” Please feel free to reach out to me if you want to talk, I am here for you. Because of what I’ve been through, I am now an intuitive coach and energy healer; we can work together through personal sessions, or simply just talk.

This “Great Work” is all about healing oneself, to heal the world and each other. Healing begins from within and transformation of the world begins with the individual.

You can find my Facebook page Love, Healing as One here.

So much love to all of you, and thank you for being present with me here in my space.

Sat Nam.


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