While working through my own processes, sitting in ceremony with my mentor Katelyn Edgar, the focal point of the session began with discussing the frequency and energy inherent within the word “God”. Many people today are “not religious” and instead are “spiritual” (myself included) and will use terms such as “Creator” and “Source”, simply because the word “God” carries so much fear. It’s no secret fear has been embedded through the ages from many different cultures and religions, which over time resulted in many simply not feeling comfortable using the term any longer. This post, of course, is not a history lesson or by any means an attempt to explain why there’s been so much fear; however, I would like to mention here that the purpose of believing in God, in it’s truth as I feel and experience it, is to transcend fear. Many who follow esoteric teachings come to learn that fear in itself actually keeps you separate from God, that the truth of God is only found in non-dualistic form, the realms where only unconditional love and oneness exist. For this reason, this post felt all too important not to share, and I feel very deeply it is so beneficial for our planet right now to talk about this.
I was asked to go within and really dive deep into my feelings behind the word, to really explore what was needed for me to be comfortable using the word with unconditional love once again. Sitting in ceremony involves creating sacred space, where you call in the highest, most pristine universal energies and beings to surround and support you while you go through this process. This includes calling in God (but of course I wasn’t using that term), Angels, Ascended Masters; every form of spiritual support of the highest truth, purity and integrity. It’s so important to really know and have awareness of the beliefs, concepts, and energies one holds for the word “God” when you do this kind of work, because essentially it’s always about full integration of the soul, to be one with the Divine, as our souls already are in our truth.
What came up for me were deep feelings of persecution; I was even taken back to a memory showing me a previous life where I was persecuted for my beliefs. It’s important to know that when you do such an exercise, what you see or experience doesn’t have to be exactly what happened, and perhaps it is (I don’t quite know the difference); but what is happening is the transmutation and spiritual alchemy for the energy you’re moving through. So I’m sensing and feeling from my heart my personal energies rising to the surface, feeling absolutely betrayed by God.. Feeling, how could I devote myself so fully and be persecuted for wanting to know God in that life? Feeling immense sadness, confusion, and rage. I realized in that moment how this has manifested into my present life, how I have consistently concerned myself over what others would think of me in terms of my spirituality; perceiving myself as being judged and thought of as “lesser” because I don’t quite resonate with the mainstream views. I have carried these feelings, this hatred and disgust of the word “God,” because to me, it has been desecrated in more ways than I aim to even describe here. But it goes even deeper than that, I have felt like I’m simply misunderstood by most, could never quite fully explain my heart and my beliefs to most, and must keep myself within a box when around so many people in my life. This also manifests as a distrust in myself, my truth, and keeps me “playing small”; all of this keeps me from truly shining and sharing my heart and my soul’s brilliance.
That was what came up in my first time sitting in this ceremony. I have since done it with myself once again, to explore even further. In my second session, I found I also have judgment upon others who preach Christianity, for example, simply because I feel like they judge me so harshly and could never understand me. In my experience this life, I’ve met so many Christians that tell me the only path is through Jesus, that they have fear for those who don’t find this path, for they will burn in hell. This simply isn’t true, the only hell I have found is that which I create for myself in my own mind. Perhaps that’s a post for another time. However, since I have felt so wrongly judged for simply not believing the same as someone else, why am I judging them and instantly labeling them, doing the same thing I don’t want them doing unto me? Obviously, it’s not what I want and is nonsensical. I have done a lot of work on this, trying to release my judgments and be unconditional love to all, no matter what their beliefs, for that is what is rational to me. So in exploring all of this, I realized that even though I have the intention to love unconditionally, I still have deep feelings of pain, anger, and distrust surrounding the word “God” in the form of desiring to disconnect from those who try to sway me onto their religious path.
Why is it so important to become truly aware of these energies within? If we want to truly be embodied in our highest truth, our Divine nature as one with all that is, healing these kinds of wounds are paramount. So in both sessions, when I feel and experience all of this in my mind’s eye, I simply stay within and pour forth unconditional love to these parts of myself. I told myself in the past life I was seeing and experiencing that this wasn’t the truth of God; the persecution, the fear, the hatred, none of it was in truth. I put all of my heart and soul into pouring forth love to myself, to heal these wounds. I tell my past selves (each session involved different versions of me) that it’s okay to have felt these feelings, it’s okay and safe to allow them to be known and surface, and it’s time to release them all now, through love with God, with the Divine.
This, of course, is nothing new to many spiritual healers and teachers, but this post is about acknowledging the process that it takes to really heal this stuff. I didn’t even think to consider what beliefs I held for the word “God” prior to this. In my mind, how I perceive, believe, and experience God was perfect for me, but I didn’t realize how deep all of this really went until now. I feel free to express myself and what I hold in my heart, free from feeling everything surrounding persecution, free from feeling judgments upon myself, free from judging others who are simply following what is true for them. I literally alchemized this energy and feel that unconditional love, truly and more deeply, when I experience myself in this world. I’m not afraid to use the word “God” anymore. I’m not afraid to use it in context of my beliefs and know they are one and the same, that my use of the word is not strictly defined or held in a box, and it doesn’t have to be. I can love others even if they believe differently. I mean, I really thought I did that before, but now I know after having processed all of this, that I didn’t. I didn’t. Too, I still experience judgments upon myself and others, but not like I used to, and exponentially less in frequency.
I feel more whole, more connected with God once again. It’s so powerful to reclaim this word with love, to reclaim that connection, for if I hadn’t, I couldn’t say I’m spiritual and truly feel connected. This is just one example of using spiritual alchemy to really align oneself with that Divine power of creation. All of the work I do, everything I’ve studied and believe in, has intended for this, and I’m so incredibly grateful to release my past, release all of those feelings that ran so deep.
It should be identified that the use of the word is not to be taken lightly. As so eloquently stated by Eckhart Tolle:
“The word God has become empty of meaning through thousands of years of misuse. I use it sometimes, but I do so sparingly. By misuse, I mean the people that have never even glimpsed the realm of the sacred, the infinite vastness behind that word, use it with great conviction, as if they knew what they are talking about, or they argue against it, as if they knew what it is they are denying. This misuse gives rise to absurd beliefs, assertions, and egoic delusions, such as, ‘My (or our) God is the only true God and your God is false’; or Nietchze’s famous statement, ‘God is dead’. The word God has become a closed concept, the moment the word is uttered, a mental image is created; no longer perhaps of an old man with a white beard, but still, a mental representation of someone or something outside you. And yes, almost inevitable, a male someone or something. Neither ‘God’, nor ‘Being’, nor any other word can define or explain the ineffable reality behind that word. So the only important question is, whether the word is a help or a hindrance in enabling you to experience that to what which it points. Does it point beyond itself to that transcendental reality? Or does it lend itself too easily to becoming no more than an idea in your head that you believe in; a mental idol? The word ‘Being’ explains nothing, but nor does ‘God’; ‘Being’ however, has the advantage that it is an open concept. It does not reduce the infinite invisible to a finite entity. It is impossible to form a mental image of it, nobody can claim exclusive possession of being. It is your very essence, and it is immediately accessible to you as the feeling of your own presence. The realization, ‘I am’.. that is prior to ‘I am this, or I am that..’ ”